Question: Islam forbids men from taking dowry from women during marriage. But women are allowed to take dowry from men during marriage. Isn’t this a hardship for men? A friend of mine asks– Abdul Munaf, Al-Ain.
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Explanation: Giving is always difficult. There is no doubt about it. Even feeding the wife and buying clothes and accessories is difficult for men.
That friend does not say that men should not be burdened with that burden.
In this, we should consider fairness rather than considering hardship. We do not avoid buying a car because it is more difficult than buying a bicycle. We put aside hardship for the additional convenience and luxury that comes with a car.
In the same way, men enjoy more convenience, luxury and pleasure through married life.
For a while, both are equal in enjoying pleasure. They are not equal in bearing the consequences.
We must consider the difficulties she faces in carrying this child. Women bear many hardships, such as the difficulty of giving birth and the difficulty of serving the family. The man only gets pleasure. Therefore, even if it is difficult for him to give the mahr, the reason that he should give it cannot be ignored.
This is the first reason. If the burden of dowry is imposed on a woman, her father alone has to bear it. But if the burden is imposed on a man, he can work together with his father. The second reason is that men have more strength to bear hardship in this matter.
Generally, women are born in greater numbers than men in the world. They also become ready for marriage ten years earlier than men.
If we count the number of women who are eligible for marriage, then for all of them to find husbands, they should be born only as men for ten years.
Since women are more numerous at birth and men are ten years behind in preparing for marriage, there is a severe shortage of men.
That is why women have to pay a very, very substantial dowry. When men are asked to pay mahr, women do not ask for it indiscriminately. Since they are few in number, they come to the conclusion that it is enough to get by with a meager amount.
Even though dowry goes up to ten lakhs, twenty lakhs, the number of people who get married after paying mahr is still in the few thousand. This is a burden that men cannot bear. If women have to pay, they will ask for many times more from them. They keep asking.
If you understand these differences, your friend will agree that it is only men who have to pay mahr.